Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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