Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
