my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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