Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
