it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
