I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
