Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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