hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
