Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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