My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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