Non-Jews are for practice
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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