I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
