if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
