defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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