u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
