had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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