He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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