My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
