I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
