i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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