I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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