took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
