My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
