i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
