I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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