I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
