I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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