there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
