pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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