i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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