Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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