I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
