I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
