My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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