I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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