By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
