I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
