Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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