so explain again why im purple
no
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
