Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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