you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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