ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
