3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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