I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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