sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
