you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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