She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
