I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
