she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
