Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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