you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Are we still banned from the library?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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